As Halloween madness sweeps America, one scary commuter heads for the ICIS Houston office.
October 2008 Archives
Next week's US presidential elections are preying heavily on the minds of our US petchem brethren. What will the new administration be doing on all the hot petchem topics: offshore drilling, onshore drilling, ethanol, eco-labels, REACH-style registration of chemicals?Meanwhile, and in the interests of balance, here is a selection of Republican and Democrat jokes:
1 The new socialism joke
Yesterday on my way to lunch at a local restaurant, I passed a homeless guy in the parking lot with a sign that read "Vote Obama, I need the money." In the restaurant, my waiter had on an "Obama 08" tee shirt.
When the bill came, I decided not to tip the waiter and explained to him while he had given me exceptional service, that his tee shirt made me feel he obviously believes in Senator Obama's plan to redistribute the wealth.
I told him I was going to redistribute his tip to someone that I deemed more in need ---the homeless guy outside. He stood there in disbelief and angrily stormed away.
Yesterday on my way to lunch at a local restaurant, I passed a homeless guy in the parking lot with a sign that read "Vote Obama, I need the money." In the restaurant, my waiter had on an "Obama 08" tee shirt.
When the bill came, I decided not to tip the waiter and explained to him while he had given me exceptional service, that his tee shirt made me feel he obviously believes in Senator Obama's plan to redistribute the wealth.
I told him I was going to redistribute his tip to someone that I deemed more in need ---the homeless guy outside. He stood there in disbelief and angrily stormed away.
I went outside, gave the homeless guy $5 and told him to thank the waiter inside, as I had decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy looked at me in disbelief but seemed grateful.
As I got in my car, I realized this rather unscientific redistribution experiment had left the homeless guy quite happy for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn.
I guess this redistribution of wealth is going to take a while to catch on with those doing the work.
2 Door-stepping
"Barack Obama, what a guy. He is actually going door to door, knocking on doors in a neighborhood, asking people if they'll vote for him. Coincidentally, John McCain is also going door to door, except when he knocks on a door, he says, 'Do I live here?'" --
3 The White House
Yesterday, in Washington, I don't know if you heard about this, the Secret Service arrested a man who climbed over the White House fence. True story, yeah. Yeah, the Secret Service told the man, 'Get back here, Mr. President. You have two more months.'
Fertilizer prices are plummeting at a rate which makes the current chemicals market look like an oasis of tranquillity. And so it came about that my workmate Steve Mitchell, managing editor of ICIS fertilizers was dragged from his bed one morning last week whilst on holiday in the south of France to give a telephone interview to Australian radio station ABC for the lunchtime "Country Hour" farming show, on the implications of falling prices and the impending food shortages around the world.
Looking for a bargain hotel and good food in New York? Visitors to the December ICIS Baseoils conference and the NECA Winter Meeting won't have to compete this year for room space with last year's hordes of British shoppers flaunting their two dollars to the pound.
With the pound down around $1.60, impoverished UK petchem folk will appreciate this new British Airways social networking internet site for regular travellers between New York and London: www.metrotwin.com. It's full of achingly cool places to eat, just right for us business types.
The sharp fall in most chemical prices in recent weeks has resulted in some frayed nerves and some colourful language from traditionally mild-mannered industry contacts of ICIS pricing reporters - some of which has been captured in ICIS news articles:One polymers contact described his market as "down the toilet", which leads neatly on to this hilarious BBC news item "Man's Arm trapped in train toilet" which has been cheering the chemical industry on an afternoon when the headlines have been all about negative margins, downgraded ratings and trade defaults.
After I chanced upon a periodic table taxi in Oxford, UK a few weeks ago, the Oxford Science Park has been kind enough to send me a photo of their periodic table bus. They tell me there are two buses in this livery, and that they ply the number 106 route between Oxford railway station and the Science Park.
ICIS aromatics editor Peter Salisbury warns us to expect the unexpected ...
Earlier this year I gave a presentation at the ICIS Phenol and Acetone Conference in Budapest. Reception to the paper was frankly mixed, as it tried to link a relatively obscure philosopher/quantative analyst with benzene forecasting. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as they say.
"Black Swans, Benzene, and the Pitfalls of Forecasting" described the effect of random or unexpected events on just about everything but not least spot benzene prices, which in turn affect contract prices in the phenolic and styrenic chains (spot the former literature student with a speciality in postmodernism).
A "black swan" is an event which overturns previous orthodoxy merely by happening, as explained by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, the author of a book by the same name, and the basis of my presentation. He has been giving interviews recently, talking about how he predicted the current financial crisis (and made quite a lot of money from it), and how this fits in with the dark anatidae.
In particular, he gave an interview to The Times, entitled "I Told You, Bankers Are Brainless" which made for great reading in tough times.
Also worth a look/listen are an interview he gave in July with a particularly notable quote - "The only way you can say '**** you' to fate is by saying it's not going to affect how I live. So if somebody puts you to death, make sure you shave." - and this interview which he gave to Newsnight on BBC 2.
Is it just me or is it rather refreshing to have someone say, "I wake up every morning knowing that I don't understand what's going on"?
Continue reading Black Swans and Benzene.
Chemical golfers from around the US Gulf, and a few from the northeast, were out in perfect weather last Monday for the Southwest Chemical Association Golf Outing at Kingwood Country Club in Houston.
But even blue skies and mild temperatures couldn't disguise the fact that the mood was a bit on the morose side due to the continuing economic crisis and rollercoaster oil prices. There was talk that attendance numbers, normally above 300, were down to around 200. Still, everyone agreed that it was good to have the day out of the office, even if some of their usual golfing buddies were absent due to travel budget cuts.
ICIS once again sponsored the beverages on the course, and the editors were warmly welcomed as they spun their buggies full of cold drinks and candies around the greens. One ICIS editor even picked up some scoops on contract prices in the process.
The new James Bond film "Quantum of Solace", currently receiving lukewarm reviews before its opening this week, may well reveal the darker side of our hero, but Blog readers will not be surprised to hear that in the original books by Ian Fleming, Bond showed more than a passing interest in chemicals.
In "Casino Royale" and "Live and Let Die," Bond's escapades are fuelled by spoonfuls of benzedrine which he knocks back before setting off to the casino or to swim through shark-infested waters.
In "Moonraker", Bond's boss M smiles indulgently as Bond opens a thin paper packet, transfers the powder onto a silver fruit knife and tips it into his Dom Perignon '46.
"Benzedrine," he said. "I rang up my secretary before dinner and asked her to wangle some ... It's what I shall need if I'm going to keep my wits about me tonight. It's apt to make one a bit overconfident, but that'll be a help too." He stirred the champagne with a scrap of toast so that the white powder whirled among the bubbles ... "It doesn't taste," said Bond, "and the champagne is quite excellent."
And there's more chemical interest to come when later on, as Bond inspects the Moonraker rocket, he feels a "glow of admiration, and almost of reverence" as the villain Drax shows him the top-secret rocket propulsion fuels.
"One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen," said Bond ... Drax pointed upwards ...
"Driven by superheated steam, made by decomposing hydrogen peroxide. The fuel, fluorine and hydrogen" (he glanced sharply at Bond. "That's top-secret by the way") "falls down the feed tubes and gets ignited as soon as it's forced into the motor."
It seems that others before me have also explored the links between James Bond and chemicals, most notably in this spoof Uncyclopaedia entry "James Bond - chemical properties", and in this Youtube video of a plastic Lego "James Bond 007 Operation: Chemical Weapons".
Remember US President George W Bush's "Axis of Evil"? Well now there's the "Axis of Diesel" - the petro-states of
This article in the Economist looks at whether there is any coherent anti-western strategy binding these modern axis states.
How comforting it is to read that in these days of economic crisis, the most frequently asked question on Google's "How to" is "How to tie a tie?"Not "How do I find a new job?" or "How do I get rid of these worthless shares?"
The question of tie-tieing leads to this informative video clip which leads you in no doubt as to how to produce a Full Windsor or a Half Windsor. It's a lot more helpful than the neighbouring clips on "Men's Fashion: How to Wear Jeans," or "A Men's Guide To How To Look Good On The Beach."
The Blog's Japanese joke from Friday has been picked up in the Times today, my fellow blogger Paul emails me from the train to Brussels this morning to let me know. Fair enough - I've referenced a few Times articles myself, as readers will know: I like to think of it more as a "homage" than wholesale pilfering.
Meanwhile, the economic crisis jokes are spreading thick and fast, as city folk find themselves with more time on their hands than they had bargained for.
This one on "How Markets Work" cheered my breakfast, although I would like to point out that chemical price reporting functions quite differently.
"The chief of a Native American tribe was asked in the autumn if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Being a 21st-century chief he had no idea, but said that it was going to be cold and told the people in his village to collect wood.
Continue reading Jokes and the financial crash - what goes around, comes around.
"This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife," said one shell-shocked share trader at the end of the worst day on the stock market for twenty years.
This line came in to me from the US via yahoo messenger at about 3pm on Friday afternoon, allegedly voiced by a named Canadian chemicals trader. By 4pm it had been messaged in to other colleagues in London from ICIS Houston, apparently said by a Houston trader.
And on Saturday morning, here it is in the Times, supposedly heard from the lips of a London share-trader.
Well whoever made it up, it's a good line.
This line came in to me from the US via yahoo messenger at about 3pm on Friday afternoon, allegedly voiced by a named Canadian chemicals trader. By 4pm it had been messaged in to other colleagues in London from ICIS Houston, apparently said by a Houston trader.
And on Saturday morning, here it is in the Times, supposedly heard from the lips of a London share-trader.
Well whoever made it up, it's a good line.
It's a taxi with a periodic table on it! I was driving out of Oxford in the dark last night when I saw this taxi in my rear view mirror. I couldn't stop to get a photo, but I've found it on the web.It's joined the Blog's collection of chemical mugs, chemical shower curtains and chemical ties.
If you were thinking of going to Oxford for a spot of tourism, or perhaps for one of Oxford Princeton's chemical training courses, wouldn't this be the perfect way to arrive?
As the crisis deepens and chemical markets tumble, the jokes are circulating on yahoo messenger to get the industry through a Friday afternoon.1 Japanese joke
You think things are bad in the USA, but have you heard about the crisis in
Japan?
Apparently Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai
Bank is planning to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank shares are
going for a song and shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived. 500
back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is
something fishy going on at Sushi bank and staff there fear that they may
get a raw deal.
Japan?
Apparently Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai
Bank is planning to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank shares are
going for a song and shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived. 500
back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is
something fishy going on at Sushi bank and staff there fear that they may
get a raw deal.
2 Sports joke
AP, October 10, 2008: All sports stadiums in USA currently named for banks, insurance companies, or financial institutions will have to be renamed "Federal Reserve Park" according to a decree issued today by Ben Bernanke.
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
Continue reading Global financial crisis jokes .
The soundbite of former Lehman's boss Fuld being grilled by a US congressional committee about his beachfront home and multi-million dollar art collection made for great radio this morning. On BBC Radio 4's Today programme on my drive in, you got the full contempt in the voice of Henry Waxman, chairman of the House Oversight and Governmental Reform Comittee, as he accused Dick Fuld of not just ineptitude but also extravagance, with the implication that it was the ostentation of the way he spent the money that was what was truly offensive about the whole debacle. So if he had just salted it away discreetly, that wouldn't have been half as bad?
Are we now entering a period where appearances will count for everything?
Already the EPCA annual conference plans to forsake the glitz of Monte Carlo and sit out the recession in the serious cities of Berlin and Vienna.
Menswear companies are reporting a surge in sales of suits and ties, as executives seek to hang onto their jobs by projecting a smarter professional image.
But my favourite image-conscious story from last week's EPCA conference was from one senior executive, who had booked a hotel suite in the Monte Carlo Le Meridien Beach Plaza Hotel for his meetings stipulating that the meeting room should be without a bed. That's fair enough - I agree it is a bit unnerving having a business meeting in a room with a large bed prominent in the background.
His customers arrived for their meetings with him to find that the suite was in a glass tower on an upper floor of the hotel, through a door from carpets to marble, through a swipe-card security door, up a spiral staircase and into an openplan suite with a prominent big red sofa. "This isn't what I wanted," he pointed out to visitors, as they wondered at the unwanted image of great lavishness.
This great photo of gorgeous pouting models wearing black catsuits and nappies (diapers) from the 2008 autumn collection in a Tokyo catwalk show immediately made me think: Super Absorbent Polymers (SAP). Disposable nappies, including adult versions and the astronaut version (MAGs - maximum absorbency garments) are a huge growth area for acrylic acid, and worth $5.7 billion a year, according to this article in the Times.
I am indebted to this Times article for the final word on the minefield of business kissing. If it's three kisses for the Dutch, what do you say to a German who comes in for a third and quite inappropriate lunge?
Reading the paper from cover to cover while we sat for two hours on the tarmac at Heathrow waiting to fly to Nice for the EPCA, I eventually reached page 31 where I found this article on definitive Modern Manners.
According to Debrett's Guide for the Modern Gentleman, published last week: The social kiss: right cheek first, skin makes "brief, light contact."
What a relief. At last we can avoid the constant danger of head-butting each other as we head for the wrong cheeks.
We're driving through the west of England on wide open roads in brilliant sunshine, taking my son back to university for the start of the term. The new small car, with the back seats folded flat, is like a Tardis for the amount of student luggage it can fit in. A TV, Playstation, laptop, printer, speakers, clothes, bedding, but not much pertinent to the study of physics. Just a few large books and one ream of copier paper are tucked down the side of the boxes.
"Have you even got some pens, some ring-binders, a calculator?" I hassle him as we drive across Salisbury Plain and the sun shines down on Stonehenge, while we scan the horizon for somewhere to stop for an All Day Big Fry-Up Veggie Breakfast.
"I've had my calculator approved - it's got the physics green sticker on it," he tells me.
Why wouldn't it be approved? Not up to the standard required for university-level sums?
"It's to stop you cheating in exams. With some scientific calculators you can store equations and graphics," he explains.
Calculators with pictures and graphs and equations? This is a long way beyond my realm of experience. I think using calculators was regarded as cheating when I was doing maths at school, and at ICIS we only recently relaxed the rules on using calculators for the entrance test for new pricing reporters. I'm still old school, and think it's reasonable to expect people to be able to do a few basic percentage calculations in their heads or on paper.
On the ICIS Training seminars, I've noticed that most people struggle to use the calculators on their mobile phones. We feel we should use them, with their fiddly little buttons, because we carry them around everywhere, but really it's just quicker to do a rough calculation in your head. And that's so important for "brain training" which will keep our brains young and fit, "improve intelligence and reduce the risks of dementia."
A chemistry teacher with only months to live decides to use his talents to become a drug dealer, in this new black comedy TV series on FX. I watched the first episode of "Breaking Bad" last night, and it is funny, shocking and uncomfortable. I wonder if ICB's campaign to attract more young people into studying chemistry could use it.
Two emails dropped into the Blog inbox this morning announcing the launch of TnS (Trade n Services), a new
They are currently based in
Aruanan's background is as a trader working for Oxyde and BMS. Wim had a long-time partnership with Tom Smit in PCB, which dissolved quite recently when Tom departed to set up his own new brokerage Fusion.
